Yes, I am an Oddball.

Emily tossed and turned in bed bored, insomnia striking again. 2:00 am Jake wasn't home from work yet and she couldn't settle down to sleep again. She had wanted to be asleep when Jake came home, she knew he would be exhausted and would just want to sleep as soon as he could. If she was awake tossing and turning he wouldn't be able to sleep either. She had been having trouble sleeping for the past week so and so he hadn't been sleeping either. He had told her to take a sleeping pill when he called earlier but she ignored him. Jake walked in just as she was getting up to get a pill, she quickly decided against going for one and just smiled at him as he came into the room, he was already undressed "Still up baby?" he asked her. "I am." she sighed as he eased into bed next to her and pulled her into his arms. She reached up and bopped his nose lightly. "What was that?" Jake asked slightly annoyed. Emily giggled, tired and punchy "It was a

It's been boringly busy lately if that makes any sense at all. It seems like my days are eaten away by work, cooking, cleaning and errands and more errands. At least all the Christmas stuff is done. All I need to do is grab a restaurant gift card for my parents and I'll be done. P & H booked a time share for the six of us to go away for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to that, we're planning on sushi for Christmas dinner and lounging by the indoor pool during the day. Not sure what we're doing for New Years. We usually host P's family and last year my parents came too. I'm honestly not sure if we're going to host again this year (which I would be fine with) because we had everyone over for Thanksgiving. I'll ask P what he would like to do the next time I see him. Right after the holidays Orion and I leave on our first cruise ever. I think we had picked out our shore excursion but I just went and read some recent reviews and they were not go

So it looks like I can only manage weekly postings. Aside from fighting a horrible cold all week it wasn't a bad week. Work was busy, we had a plan for dinners for the week so it was easy (if tiring) to come home and put dinner together quick. I haven't seen P all week because he's been working crazy hours and the cold has been making me extra tired. I hope to see him at some point this weekend. I should really consider making some dinner tonight, but it looks like the rest of them are headed out for Thai food so maybe I won't bother, I'm not really a fan of Thai so I'm probably going have a sandwich for dinner. I hope to come up with a sexy story sometime this weekend so hopefully you'll hear from me again before next weekend :D

This week ended up being a rough one. The day after my last post I came down with a lousy cold complete with fever, body aches, exhaustion, cough and stuffy nose. Everyone that knows me knows that I can't stand having a stuffy nose. CAN'T. STAND. IT. I use nasal spray (like Afrin) on a daily basis just to keep my nose extra clear. When I have a cold the spray doesn't really help and neither do the decongestants in the liquid cold medicine I've been taking for the rest of the symptoms. I hate breathing through my mouth and have trouble sleeping when I have to so between the cold and lack of sleep it's been a fairly crappy week. I felt like I did nothing but chase my own tail all week at work, training a new person and wrestling with unusual requests. P ended up working overtime every day this week getting home around 3am, accidentally waking me (not hard considering...) I hate not seeing him at all and when I talk to him I can tell that he's exhausted. 12 hour

I feel like I didn't get any sleep Sunday night, it was hot in the middle of the bed and my whole body ached. I just couldn't get comfortable. I woke up hourly and was up for the day around 5:30, I didn't get out of bed but I was awake, listening to P sleep and wishing I could too. I was up for the day at 7 and I was already tired and cranky. Luckily I had packed my lunch and work bags Sunday night so all I needed to do was make a cup of coffee and start my car (even though I was boiling hot it was freezing outside last night) so it could warm up a little. Oh and get dressed, I promise I did not go to work in just a Sam Adams t-shirt. Work was a slog, I just wanted the day to end. Don't you hate days like that? I feel like I'm wishing my life away. I generally don't let work get to me, it's a job. Pays the bills, I just go in and get it done and move on. But Monday just made me want to go live as a homeless person. Who needs money? Every request felt like an

And today's prompt is: What TV show are you obsessed with? Share 10 reasons it’s better than the other shows. Golden Girls!!!  I know, I know it's a really old show but it still stands up. Why? 1. Dorothy's  sarcasm  2. Rose's heart 3. Blanche's self esteem 4. Sofia's spunk 5. Women's Rights 6. St. Olaf Stories 7. AIDS honesty (during the days of paranoia)  8. Honesty about sex and relationships 9. The one liners 10. The love I can watch this show all day and not get bored which is odd for me I tend to get bored with TV shows and move on quickly. They only got away with half of the topics they covered because of the ages of the women involved. Had this show been about 4 women in their 20's there is no way the show would have gotten on the air in the first place. I think part of why i'm not afraid of getting older is because I had these ladies as role models. I'd like to say I'm looking forward to being their age but I&

I'm behind but the prompt for me today is: What's the dumbest thing you and a partner have ever fought about?                                                                   TELEVISION We fight over television way too much. I can safely say that all our "I have to get out of this relationship" fights have been started by TV.  It's probably a good thing because all the fights have shown deeper problems in our relationship. Problems that we are sorta working on.  He's done things to make sure those situations don't happen again and I have decided to ignore as much of the crap that annoys me as I can. So far, so good but we'll see how it goes. I love them and I'd like to think that i'm in this for the long haul but I'm too old to fight about stupid crap.  Like television and bratty daughters.

I just looked at the clock and it's 10:45pm. WTF?Where did Saturday go?  Don't get me wrong, sleeping until 10 and having morning sex was great but the rest of the day got eaten by the errands monster. Luckily P and I were pretty organized and had lists and stuff so we know everything got done including homemade chicken fingers and potato chips for dinner. I'll be turning the leftover chicken fingers into chicken parm tomorrow. Yay 2 for 1 dinner! I need to bake another loaf of regular bread tomorrow too. I'll start it right after breakfast, which I hope will be around 11. I can't believe Thanksgiving is this Thursday, we have the meal planned and the turkey was purchased today (it's thawing now.) I'll bake cookies during the week and throw together a fruit tray Wednesday night. Less than 2 months until Ri and I head off to our cruise, I feel like I should be more excited about that. Hopefully as the day comes closer I will be. Oh well, I guess

Its late and its been a busy day. I think I mentioned before that my best friend lost her mom a few weeks ago. Her memorial service was today, not fun. No one loves funerals but this one was more intense than most due to some family disagreements. It was painfully clear that my friends cousins do not consider her or her 3 kids to be "real" family. I can't tell you how often she was referred to as "Aunty's ADOPTED daughter." Huge emphasis on the adopted. None of them sat with her at the reception after the church service or even checked in with her to make sure she was okay.  I sat with her and made sure she had something to eat and someone to talk to. It was insane how divided they were.

YAY two days in a row!!! Today's Prompt: What are the best/worst dishes at Thanksgiving Dinner? This is a good one, I adore food. All aspects of food: meal planning, shopping, prepping, cooking, serving and eating it I love it all. So best for me would have to be the mashed potatoes. With the turkey as a very close second. What can I say, I'm a meat and potatoes kind of girl - but also veggies because salad is delicious and so is broccoli and cauliflower and sprouts and....moving on. I'm not sure why but a mountain of creamy, gravy covered mashed potatoes just makes my heart happy. I think it's the ultimate comfort food. I love how versatile potatoes are in general but I especially love how many ways there are to make mashed especially. They are perfect when simply whipped with a little bit of milk, salt, pepper and maybe a pat of butter. But add a bit of heavy cream, a touch more butter, a heaping spoonful of sour cream and its almost an entirely different foo

I am way, way behind on NaBloPoMo. Life and the election got in the way of me sitting down to write every day. I'm going to try to get back on track though so here we go: Today's Prompt: What was it like to be you in 2016? Wow, the NaBloPoMo folks really want you to be introspective, don't they? I could go sarcastic and say it was me-like and leave it but I think they were hoping for a little more.  I guess I would sum 2016 me up as frustrated. When I look back over the past year I find that is the emotion I feel most frequently. Frustrated with work, frustrated with our relationship and sexually. I've been frustrated with the kids all three of them (and only 1 of them is mine!), frustrated with myself. I've had my car for over a year now and still love it. So that's something no car frustration.   I know I shouldn't complain, so many people in the world have real problems that they can't control. Almost everything that upsets me is somet

I didn't mean to but the election happened and I had to get offline and away from social media. Also away from the news. The next four years under a Trump presidency terrifies me. The knowledge that our electoral system has failed for the second time in my lifetime to give the presidency to the candidate that won the over all popular vote pisses me off. I understand why the electoral college was needed when the country was first founded but in this day and age there is no reason that popular vote can't be used. I don't know what I'm more upset about, the fact that we STILL won't have a women president or the fact that a spray painted orangoutang is who beat her (but not really because more people voted against him.) It makes me sick and sad and frustrated. But also resigned to being essentially screwed for the next 4 years. Tomorrow back to our regularly scheduled NoBloPoMo.

Today's Prompt:  If you could redo one moment in your life, what would it be and why? How would it change who you are now?   Rough one because there are quite a few moments that I would change in my life. It's awful to say but I would probably not having gotten back together with my sons father after our initial breakup. Who knows what could have happened or what I could have done during those years. Maybe I would have met someone else and settled down, bought a house and a car and a dog and had another couple kids with that person. Or maybe I would have packed up my baby and made the big move to Hawaii alone. Maybe I would have gone back to school. Who knows what would have happened really but there are days that a mourn the time wasted and chances lost. I sorta hate myself for being as stupid as I was. I had convinced myself that we were perfect together, that we loved each other more than anything and we would live happily ever after. In reality I knew better. I always had

Today's Prompt is: What Was Your Worst Thanksgiving Food Fail Boy have there been a few. I'm going to go with the year that the Turkey wasn't all the way cooked yet though. Luckily it was one of the years that I only cooked for my mom and dad so they didn't mind that dinner actually took place at actual dinner time instead of the traditional 2pm and the sides were all cold. Or if they did mind, they didn't say anything. Thanks Mom and Dad! In the years since I've mastered Turkey cooking and timing so that all the food is ready at the same time. I've also gone from just serving Mom and Dad to whole dinner parties of extended family and now P&H's extended families. I didn't believe my grandmother when she said that one day Thanksgiving becomes old hat but it's true. We're only a couple weeks away from it at this point and the menu is set and I'm not at all stressed about Turkey Day. Season the bird and toss her in the oven wait a fe

Whoo hooo 3 days in a row! Prompt:   What fall shows should totally be cancelled already?   Oh dear...this is going to be a short post. I haven't watched any new fall shows. I've watched new episodes of Bob's Burgers, The Simpsons, Last Week Tonight and Transparent. But no new shows really. Oh wait, hold on there was one after on after The Simpsons a couple weeks ago called Son of Zorn, maybe? I only watched the first 10 minutes and it sucked. So that's my vote Son of Zorn is the show that should die. I'm sure there are quite a few others too but that's the only one I actually saw and know about.  I've been thinking of watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I know it was a huge hit but I was never really interested in it while it was on the air. For some reason it's come up in conversation a few times this week so I thought I would watch the first couple episodes to see what the hype is about. I've also been thinking about giving Amer

Day 2!! Prompt:  If you could be completely honest with no regrets, what would you say and to whom? Ooooh boy, this is a good one. I have more than a few things I'd love to say to people but don't because there would probably be fights and regrets seconds after I said them. Honestly none of them are very nice and I'm going to come off as a complete bitch in this post. Please keep in mind that these are only thoughts that I keep in my head. I've never (and probably never will) actually say any of them out loud because I'm not a bitch. Ok, fine, I might sort of be a bitch but I am great at self censoring and that has to count for something. To O: Please pick a career path, grocery store stocker isn't something you can do forever. Don't be a Republican. Don't listen to them, stop being open to their point of view. Stop loving all things deadly. Guns suck, even antique ones. I thought I was a better mom.... To the co-worker that sits to my left: Please

About non-relationship stuff. I missed the first day, so I'm going to jump into the second prompt: When was the last time you did something brave? What happened? Hmmm brave...not a word I would use to describe myself. I'm not a shrinking violet but I don't consider anything I do to be especially brave. I don't run into burning buildings or towards any other kinds of danger. I'm not a thrill seeker and avoid rollercoasters and the like (although I do enjoy waterslides.) I wish I was a braver person, I admire brave people. In a way though, I'm thankful for the fact that I don't need to be brave. I'm a white girl from a suburb in the northeast of the USA, a really nice suburb at that. I've never been placed in a life threatening situation. I've never been attacked. I have never been homeless and there has always been food on my table. In my lifetime my country has lived in relative peace. Boko Harum and Dash are just names of "bad guys"

It almost happened Tuesday and it was once again ( surprise, surprise) over TV. It also involved their oldest daughter, B. Here is the rundown: I've mentioned before that I've been feeling lukewarm towards sex at best, our work hours don't help anything. Sex is less available so I want it less. It is what it is, I guess. So Tuesday.... B was scheduled to take her drivers test during the day so P took the day off. B failed the test so she spent the day home with P (pouting I'm sure) all day. I got home after a long day of working and made some dinner for all of us then grabbed a shower. When I came out of the shower and into the bedroom to dry off. P mentioned that he had told B that she couldn't watch TV in our bedroom (we have the better antenna in our room and she wanted to watch over the air TV) so we could "relax." Great, right? Yes, sex did happen. I was bored, it sucked, but hey whatever, P had fun (before anyone asks, he knew I had significant

I'm sorry about the break in posting, I honestly haven't really had much to say to anyone. I think I might be teetering towards a mild depression, everything and everyone has annoyed me, especially P & H's oldest. I find her whiny, demanding and lazy all things I knew she was before I moved in but I'm having trouble being tolerant lately. I think the infrequent (and unfulfilling when had at all) sex, less money and more responsibility is getting to me. I haven't been exercising or sleeping well and the early mornings for work are killing me and winter is on the way. Everything combined is pushing me a bit over the edge.  Oh and my sons father decided that Orion should have a gun for his 20th birthday. As you can imagine I'm less than thrilled with the choice, even if it is an antique that Ri plans on hanging on a wall as a decoration. It's a functioning weapon and I wish he'd given him something else. I know that Ri is old enough to own a gun (he

Mondays generally suck but this morning I was surprised to find out that I won $50 on a raffle calendar that I bought from a colleague. Who says high school football is worthless? Not me ;)

It's been a weird few weeks in my sexy world, weird in that honestly haven't wanted anything to do with sex at all. I haven't been able to come up with any ideas for a Jake & Emily story. The few times that sex has come up in real life (not frequently because the only person I currently get to fuck is almost never around because...work) I haven't really enjoyed it. I was bored, my mind wandered, and honestly it was hurried. I was "closed for maintenance" this week which I guess might explain why I've been disinterested this week. I blew the guy a couple times, normally it's fun for me to watch him enjoy a blow. This morning all I could think was "If he finishes fast enough I might be able to go back to sleep." I didn't. And for the record, a few hours later he and H were behind locked doors, so he wouldn't have been "ignored" today. I could have just slept more. This upset me far more than it should have. The other blow

We all have that one friend that says they are going to write a book someday, right?  Guess What? MY FRIEND LENA REALLY DID WRITE HER BOOK!!!  Actually she wrote a 3 book series because she's an overachiever like that. The first book is officially published and available on Amazon and the 2nd is available for preorder. The third will be released in early 2017!  Seriously, how cool is that? Someone I'm close to got it together and actually made her dream of being a romance writer a reality. To say that I'm proud of her would be an understatement. I also feel personally invested in these books. She wrote the first few chapters of the series while watching me sweat and jiggle on the treadmill (hey she went willingly, I warned her!)  So the books... they are fun, silly romance novels perfect for a cool fall night when you're curled up with a blanket and a cup of whatever it is you drink. Lena is a hopeless romantic herself so you know these books are

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! I was shocked this morning when I got a text from UPS that said it was out for delivery. They had changed the delivery day to Monday but I guess things went faster than expected somewhere along the line.  Whatever happened, I'm so glad it did! And Amazon really came through by delivering Bina's new phone case and my cute new shirt. I should really play the lottery this weekend :-) Know what else I love? That it was so freaking easy to set up. It took longer to download the OS update than it did to get all my apps and info back on the phone. Thank you APPLE!  Seriously in less than 15 minutes I was seamlessly transitioned from my 6 to my 7. Orion's transition from the 5 to the 6 was quick and easy too. B's was a little more difficult, but managed. Hooray new phones all around. I worked from home today because it's P's last Friday off (his company has been on 4 day work week all summer.) I'm going to miss him next week, I look forwar

I shouldn't be this excited over a stupid phone but I am. I created a UPS account and requested that it be delivered on Friday when I work from home. That way I can set it up and get my current phone reset and ready to hand off to Ri. Then he can hand his phone off to Bina and we can retire her current phone which is in pretty sad shape at this point. I ordered new cases for every one today, they should be here Friday too.  I'm off to try and log into my work computer from home tonight, the past few times I've tried to work from home have been technical nightmares.  Wish me luck!

Because I just watched the entire 3rd season of Transparent in 2 days. They are one seriously fucked up family. I mean the dad being trans is the least of their problems. It's a good show, if you haven't seen it and you have access to Amazon, watch it. Trust me you'll feel better about your family after. But now that I've finished it I really should get my butt back on the treadmill. It's pretty amazing how much I do not want to do that though. I know I'm basically lazy but it's ridiculous how much I just want to go to bed, like right now. It's only 9 pm though, if I went to bed now I'd be up for the day (and very cranky) by 4 am. And Ri is going to be stopping by after he gets out of work at 10 and I probably won't see him again for the rest of the week so I'm going to stay up and hang up with him for a little while. I was right about the weekend, it involved running around like a nut, very little sex and a tiff (not exactly a fight) for g

Sorry about the week long absence, it's been busy. Not with anything in particular just with...stuff. Not even really interesting stuff. I mean we did a ton of errands, celebrated a wedding (my cousin) and a birthday (T's 14 now, wow!) but the rest of the time it's just work, housework, errands, pretending to exercise and thinking about cell phone plans and the iphone7.  Work has been soul crushing the past couple weeks. Banking is a soul crushing, ethics eating industry. If you want proof,  all you have to do is google Wells Fargo. When you do that, know that all banks use the same incentive plan structures. All of them, even if they say they don't, they do. They just word their programs differently. I say incentive but really its more than that, if you're on the front line you can be fired for not meeting your assigned sales goal. Even if your great at every other part of your job. So never mind the whole incentive/bonus thing, if all you want to do is keep you

 She was naked, over his knee, her legs pinned firmly between his. The top half of her body was laying on the bed.  Her left arm was trapped behind Jakes body and he had pinned her right hand to the small of her back when she had tried to cover herself mid spanking (she had received more than a few stinging smacks to her upper thighs as extra punishment after Jake pinned her hand but before he continued with her normal spanking.) She knew she deserved a spanking, she had been bratty on and off all day. She had been waiting for Jake to bend her over the couch for a couple swats and a stern "Cut it out!" but it never came. Instead he had waited until just before she normally went to bed to tell her that she was going to be punished for her bad attitude. She could tell from his stance that he expected her to argue. Looking back over everything she had said and done that day she would have wanted to spank him if the roles were reversed so she simply murmured "Yes, sir."

Another weekend is coming to an end. Days go by so fast lately and they are all full of what seems like nothing. Dropping off and picking up the step kids & their friends, shopping, cooking. Blah. Ri is working all week, he came by last night and hung out for a bit but I won't see him again until Friday :-( I miss my kid. Between his work and my work and his volunteering and his own bird (who knew parrots needed so much friggin attention) I never see him and it's making me sad. At the same time though, I'm glad that he's building his own happy little life. That's the goal right? Raise a happy, successful adult. Sigh... My cousin is getting married next weekend, I said I'd go to the wedding. I wish I hadn't, I hate weddings and generally decline invitations. I send a gift and move on. I said I'd go to this one because my parents guilted me into it. We have a very small extended family and my cousin is a motherless only child (her mother died a lit

We had another busy weekend, which is mostly good. I know I should be thankful to be busy, I generally don't fare well when I'm not bored by choice. This weekend though, I would have liked to have been bored more. Especially on Saturday, I'm not sure why. Last week wasn't horrible, but I spent the day Friday looking forward to the evening alone. P&H usually take the girls to a place called Social Sparks, then go to dinner together. I usually either hang out at home (in blissful quiet) to blog or watch a movie, or go out with my friend K. Friday I was looking forward to working on a sexy blog but H made plans to meet for dinner with one of her friends after she dropped the girls off. So P decided to hang out with me, which is always fun but not always productive in the way I want to be. We Shopkicked, went to Target and grabbed some Chinese food for dinner. It was after 9 when we got home to put away the groceries and other stuff we bought. Then Ri came to visit for

I've had zero desire to move since we got back from NH. I had been pretty good about the whole diet/exercise thing for a few weeks. Then I mostly fell off the diet wagon, I'm still making better food choices just allowing myself more. But I was really sticking to the exercise. Walking at lunch and then walking the dogs after work followed by either a mile on the treadmill or water aerobics class. I was feeling mostly good, aside from the searing foot/ankle pain. I need to get back in the saddle but I'm just not feeling it. Mostly I'm just feeling tired lately. I wake up tired, I have some coffee and feel better then by the time I get home from work I'm tired again. I've still walked the dogs every day but only because they love their walk not because I have any motivation to move. It's 9:30pm right now and I still haven't made my lunch for tomorrow. I need to get up and do that. I put my step tracker/watch on it's charger when I got home from work,

We ended up having a fantastic weekend away, better than I had hoped for to be honest. We were bringing all three kids plus one of B's friends so I wasn't really planning on it being a fun "adult" weekend. P was his usual optimist self though and packed some lube along with the paddle and nipple clamps I bought and reviewed a few weeks ago. I had laughed at him while we were packing. I was pretty sure that even in a three bedroom condo we wouldn't have any privacy with all of the lovely teenagers running around. Lets face it the odds of all four kids heading out at the same time were slim to none.  Especially since we were only staying for 2 nights, when would we find the time to play? I was honestly just looking forward to spending some uninterrupted time all together in a beautiful place, seriously the White Mountains are fantastic.   After a 3 &1/2 hour drive we finally made it to the resort. It was a little after 9pm when we checked in and everyone was

So I frequently admit to being horribly out of shape but trying to get better. Yesterday I dusted off my trusty watch/pedometer/smart watch thingie and resolved to try and get the 10,000 recommended steps. I thought I did pretty well yesterday, I diligently got up and walked briskly through the building once an hour and I walked around the building at lunch. Then I did a mile on the treadmill after dinner. When I went to bed I had 9,888 steps. I know I should have just gotten the last 112 steps but it was close to midnight on a Monday and I was exhausted. I fell asleep almost instantly, it was good. When I woke up this morning I noticed that my right ankle didn't feel quite right but I hopped out of bed anyway and OMG PAIN!!! If P hadn't been sleeping in the bed I think I would have just fallen backwards into it. I didn't want to wake him so I grabbed the dresser instead and managed to limp out of the room. I have no idea what the hell I did but my right heel and ankle hurt

It was a pretty dull weekend around here, not that there is anything wrong with that. Saturday P and I  ran errands and did a bunch of Shopkicking. H went with a friend to Urban Sweat for active relaxation and massages. B and Orion volunteered at Lazicki's and T had her friend Tom over (they are ridiculously cute together and he's a seriously nice kid) they played a TON of Pokemon Go. Which is great because T generally never leaves the house without a fight even to play Pokemon Go with her sister. She's all for a long walk with Tom though. Today Ri volunteered with the birds again then came by for a quick visit before heading to work. P and I went to my parents RV so P could work on the generator again (problem found this time and hopefully it's an easy fix.) Tom came back over for another round of Pokemon and whatever else it is he and T do. I made homemade pizza for dinner (which everyone liked-yay!) Now T and Tom are playing Halo 3 loudly in the living room and rel

Where is August going? I feel like summer just started but here we are almost at the end of season. We've done back to school shopping for the girls and I've already started thinking of Halloween activities. I have to admit that this year I'm looking forward to Fall. I'm looking forward to cooler weather and Halloween and Thanksgiving. Although, I'm not quite sure how Thanksgiving is going to work this year. Too many families in play. Part of me would like to maybe skip Thanksgiving here and go with my parents to my aunt and uncles house. It would be a really long day though 3 hour drive both ways in what can be iffy New England weather. It's not unheard of for us to have snow by Thanksgiving here and they live further north so very likely they'll have snow already. I hate driving in the snow even with my 4 wheel drive SUV.  I would need to leave earlier than everyone else because I have work the next day and I think Ri will want to see his dad's side of

I skipped finishing that Whatever Wednesday post in favor of going to see Sausage Party with Ri. I generally love anything Seth Rogan does, the one exception being Preacher, I just can't get into it. His characters and writing style pretty much always make me laugh so I was expecting to enjoy it but I didn't think I'd have as much fun as I did. It was great. So do yourself a huge favor and go see it if you haven't yet. Turn off your brain for an hour or so and enjoy some stupid, silly, guy humor. It was even better than Suicide Squad (which didn't suck.) Let me know what you think of either Sausage Party or Suicide Squad.

So I was feeling bored Friday, with everything really. Bored (and annoyed) with work, bored at home. So I did what any reasonable person does: I went online and did some sex toy shopping. But what did I want? All the women I know have a favorite toy, the dildo that hits all the right spots. The vibrator that sends them straight to heaven, that scary thing that looks like a tongue. It suddenly hit me that I didn't have any toys of my own anymore really. This is not to say that I there weren't any toys here. There are toys aplenty, but most of them predate me and consist of the dildo/butt plug variety. Don't get me wrong, I love being penetrated as much as the next girl (maybe even a little more than her, but hey not a contest) I've just always preferred to have a live human to do that penetrating for me. Dildos just aren't my thing. I've tried a bunch and some are very nice, but none have been able to compete with a real live dick for me. Maybe I've been lu

Emily pulled her nipped from Jake's mouth, pinned his head against the bed and kissed him slowly. Sucking his lower lip into her mouth and gently nibbling it. Jake closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her without thinking, settling in to enjoy the kiss but Emily pulled away. "I don't remember saying you could move your arms." she said she stood between his legs holding the spoon. Jake quickly put his hands back over his head. "Did I say you could, Jake?" she asked him. "No, Miss, I'm sorry..." Jake started.  Without another word Emily smacked his inner thighs with the spoon. She watched his body flinch, his hard cock bounce. He nearly moved his hands again to defend himself but managed to hold back. He made a hissing sound to keep from crying out. It took a few seconds for him to realize that Em had stopped and was now gently stroking his slapped legs. Her hands coming tantalizingly close to his cock and balls. Teasingly close. "If