Lack of Interest

It's been a weird few weeks in my sexy world, weird in that honestly haven't wanted anything to do with sex at all. I haven't been able to come up with any ideas for a Jake & Emily story. The few times that sex has come up in real life (not frequently because the only person I currently get to fuck is almost never around because...work) I haven't really enjoyed it. I was bored, my mind wandered, and honestly it was hurried. I was "closed for maintenance" this week which I guess might explain why I've been disinterested this week. I blew the guy a couple times, normally it's fun for me to watch him enjoy a blow. This morning all I could think was "If he finishes fast enough I might be able to go back to sleep." I didn't. And for the record, a few hours later he and H were behind locked doors, so he wouldn't have been "ignored" today. I could have just slept more. This upset me far more than it should have. The other blow was after he came home from work, it was very late at night and I was only up because he woke me by accident getting into bed. It was a "just get it done" blow for me. I don't think he's noticed my lack of interest. Which is... good, I guess? Whatever the problem is I'm sure it's with me. It would be nice if he was more in tune with me but I'm a realist and what guy ever says no to a blow? I wouldn't expect him to notice really, it's not like I'm saying no or behaving differently.

While I was baking today I found myself wondering what would get me excited right that moment.   It's usually a really easy question for me. There is almost always something fun bouncing around in my perverted little mind. Today the answer was: I wonder if I put in enough vanilla in this?  Weird.

I mean I know if I was to go play with myself I could probably tap into some of my old standbys like, daddy/daughter spanking, bondage, or a rape scene. With a bunch of fantasizing and some time I could probably get off. But there isn't anywhere for me to go do that without an audience. I don't mind fucking with people watching, it's not a turn on but it doesn't detract from the experience. For some reason masturbating with people watching is just distracting and unenjoyable. Since I'm trying to get myself interested in having an orgasm again I think it would be counter productive to even try.

Maybe this lack of interest is a manifestation of me not loving my life right now? I don't have a bad life, I know that but I'm generally not loving where I am right now. I've felt like this before though and my sex life wasn't affected by it. Maybe I'm just old? It's a possibility, I am pretty old and usually tired. Maybe I'm just bored? Maybe the lack of available sex is making me want it less? There could be a million reasons and I guess I'll figure it out eventually.

So what's a girl to do or write about in the mean time? I'm not sure. Maybe things will be better in a week...