NaBloPoMo #5
Today's Prompt: If you could redo one moment in your life, what would it be and why? How would it change who you are now?
Rough one because there are quite a few moments that I would change in my life. It's awful to say but I would probably not having gotten back together with my sons father after our initial breakup. Who knows what could have happened or what I could have done during those years. Maybe I would have met someone else and settled down, bought a house and a car and a dog and had another couple kids with that person. Or maybe I would have packed up my baby and made the big move to Hawaii alone. Maybe I would have gone back to school. Who knows what would have happened really but there are days that a mourn the time wasted and chances lost. I sorta hate myself for being as stupid as I was. I had convinced myself that we were perfect together, that we loved each other more than anything and we would live happily ever after. In reality I knew better. I always had an exit plan and only cared about him out of habit, because it was a the right thing to do. I convinced myself that since the sex was good everything else would be eventually too. I was young and stupid? Then not so young and stupid...honestly I have no excuse. I can say in my heart of hearts I always knew we wouldn't work out. I just wish I had walked away sooner.
Of course this opens a pandora's box because if I had left him sooner I wouldn't have met P&H. Meeting them was just a timing fluke. We had a mutual friend that knew about the breakups we were all going though/about to go through and she got us talking. But is that really a bad thing? Can you miss what you never had? If they never knew I existed and I never knew about them, no harm no foul, right?. There would have been others for all of us and we would all be just as happy. At least that's my working theory, who knows if I'm even close to what would have happened.
I like to think that all possible scenarios are playing out at the same time and that I'm just aware of this particular timeline. I hope that other mes have explored what I've chosen not to. I hope they are happier.
Rough one because there are quite a few moments that I would change in my life. It's awful to say but I would probably not having gotten back together with my sons father after our initial breakup. Who knows what could have happened or what I could have done during those years. Maybe I would have met someone else and settled down, bought a house and a car and a dog and had another couple kids with that person. Or maybe I would have packed up my baby and made the big move to Hawaii alone. Maybe I would have gone back to school. Who knows what would have happened really but there are days that a mourn the time wasted and chances lost. I sorta hate myself for being as stupid as I was. I had convinced myself that we were perfect together, that we loved each other more than anything and we would live happily ever after. In reality I knew better. I always had an exit plan and only cared about him out of habit, because it was a the right thing to do. I convinced myself that since the sex was good everything else would be eventually too. I was young and stupid? Then not so young and stupid...honestly I have no excuse. I can say in my heart of hearts I always knew we wouldn't work out. I just wish I had walked away sooner.
Of course this opens a pandora's box because if I had left him sooner I wouldn't have met P&H. Meeting them was just a timing fluke. We had a mutual friend that knew about the breakups we were all going though/about to go through and she got us talking. But is that really a bad thing? Can you miss what you never had? If they never knew I existed and I never knew about them, no harm no foul, right?. There would have been others for all of us and we would all be just as happy. At least that's my working theory, who knows if I'm even close to what would have happened.
I like to think that all possible scenarios are playing out at the same time and that I'm just aware of this particular timeline. I hope that other mes have explored what I've chosen not to. I hope they are happier.
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