I'm Fairly Certain Now That I Don't Need Anyone

**Warning, grouchy rambly post ahead**

Some days I wonder if I could handle going it alone. Then there are days like today, which convince me that I'd be just fine. 

I'm in a triad that, lets face it, is not ideal by any stretch of the imagination. Heck, some days (like today) I don't even like being part of it. Sex is nearly non-existent because I only see P on weekends due to our work schedules. Weekends are always busy for all of us, so odds of sex happening are 1 in 10 at best. Other than the fact the P would fix my car if I needed him to, I don't get much else out of this relationship. Honestly, before P I had no problem finding mechanics. Something tells me it's  just as easy to get a car fixed today as it was 8 or so years ago.

H is useless to have around.  I've mentioned before that she and I have the same job. Today I drove us into work (as usual) we both put in our 8 hours and I drove home. When we got home, I opened my mail,  let the dogs out and started dinner for the family. H grabbed a bowl of cereal and headed to bed where she lounged, ate and played on her phone. I guessing because work was so stressful she needed the break? I was in the kitchen making chicken parmesan from scratch (using gluten and corn free ingredients because H has allergies.) After the food was prepped and in the oven I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and generally cleaned up after myself in the kitchen. 

When dinner was nearly done H wandered out and asked when it would be ready because she was going to go to an "empowerment workshop." Oldest daughter B wandered into the kitchen and announced that she was going to the local Save-a-Pet auction (fundraiser for local animal shelter, very worthy cause we all agree on) so would eat later and left. Youngest daughter "wasn't hungry" and went back to her iPad. Why on earth do I bother? H scarfed a piece of chicken parm and left. I decided to NOT take a rest from working out tonight (nothing about today was relaxing so why bother) and went to water aerobics. It was the bright spot of the day really, I enjoyed the class and know I'll sleep better tonight for going. 

 P called when I was driving home and asked how things were. Instead of saying I was annoyed I just said fine. Everyone went out so I went to an extra water aerobics class. It was nearly 8:45pm when I walked through the door at home. No sign of oldest daughter or H. T still hadn't eaten dinner, it was all still sitting on the stovetop. P starts fussing a little about oldest daughter out driving at night in the rain (she is a new driver) I tell him she's fine for what feels like the 10th time when she walks in. I hand over my phone so they can talk and tell T to come eat before it's time for her to go to bed  (10pm) She also needs to shower and make her lunch for the next day. After eating quickly and asking the girls how their days were I cleaned up the kitchen, packed up the leftovers, washed all the pots and pans and put more dishes into the dishwasher. 

It's now 10:20 and T just getting out of the shower. H got home around 30 minutes ago, after chatting with oldest daughter for a few minutes. She put on her PJs and went to bed. I'm sure she feels wiped out after all she's had to do today. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

When I sit down and think about the fact that this is a fairly typical day and add in the financial side of things (rent, Net.flix, Hulu, H.B.O,  Amazon Prime, their kids are on my cellphone plan, some trips away, dinners out, they are on my gym membership, some groceries and general household items as they come up) it hits me that this really isn't a good deal for me. I could be renting a whole room (with a bed to myself!) for a ton less if I wanted to and buying and preparing food for 1 or 2 is far less expensive than it is for a family of 5. I could have the single plan at the gym instead of the family one. I could be paying for 2 cellphones instead of 4 (well 3, one line is free but still.) 

Considering the rewards...Is this really worth it? And should I really be putting this down in terms of dollars and sense and "what do I get out of it?" I mean generally speaking that's not how families work. Then again, I raised my little family already. I sort of just landed in the middle of this one and I'm honestly not sure how it's working out....