Yesterday Was My Birthday

Good Evening Everybody -

I'm officially 39 folks. This is insane to me. I think I asked myself a bunch of the questions everyone else does on their birthday:  Where did the time go? Why haven't I accomplished everything I thought I would? Is this year going to be amazing or will it suck? Does anyone actually have answers to these questions? I didn't. I'm going to venture to guess that no one else really does either. Honestly it sorta hit me when I asked the "Why haven't I accomplished everything I thought I would?" question that I didn't even have a list of things I wanted to accomplish as an adult. I had a few things I DIDN'T want to (own a house, have babies with different fathers, have a giant wedding) but no real goals that I can remember. Why didn't I have goals? Am I really that lazy?  Gotta love questions that lead to more questions, right? I've sorta decided that I didn't have any big goals because I was a mom at 19 (before anyone even thinks it, no I do NOT regret having Orion at 19, not even for a millisecond. He is my baby and I love him more than life.) Becoming a mom so young combined with my personality lead to me having a million little short term goals:

  • Stay off welfare 
  • Work really hard and crappy retail job 
  • Find a job with benefits 
  • Work really hard at said job to get promoted and a raise 
  • Take the kiddo places 
  • Try to make it work with his dad (it didn't) 
  • Keep working hard 
  • Homeschool, 
  • Raise a happy, healthy, loving, kind, human (I think I succeeded for the most part on this one, he's a great guy.) 
  • Have some semblance of a social life
  • Work on getting out of debt (it's amazing how fast a young single mom can go into debt especially when you're determined to stay out of the welfare trap.)
So here I am 39 and not really anywhere. Maybe that's why I'm kinda glum despite it not being a terrible day. I guess I'm generally happy though most days and I guess thats all that matters. 

It was a terrible diet week (birthday cake and chips and breakfast potatoes) and no exercise. That could be effecting my mood too. 

I'll start working on a Whatever Wednesday tomorrow. I have ideas but I'm not sure how to put them all together. I need inspiration, but the sex this weekend was kinda dull and unfulfilling. Harsh review I know but it was what it was.  Maybe it will be better during the week.

Night guys!




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