...And Then We Got A New LIving Room Set

Has anyone else ever noticed that the universe makes you calm the fuck down and learn something even if you don't really want to? So after my last post rant I was just about ready to blow my top and walk away but a couple things happened...

First we got some terrible news about P's mom. She's not my mom so I don't feel comfortable going into too many details. We'll leave it at she is looking at many, many weeks if not months of being in the hospital. We're just glad she has qualified for a clinical trial because conventional treatments are completely ineffective. This trial offers some hope at least. 

P lost his dad the year we met and it crushed him, he still misses his dad. Facing the very possible loss of his mom is scary and very sad. P is the oldest child in his family and he worries how he's going to "fill in" for his parents. I cannot fathom this. Maybe because I'm one of those selfish middle children? Or because my parents raised the three of us to be very self-sufficient? I don't know, whatever the reason, he does a ton of stuff for his siblings. Too much I think and I could never quite figure out why. I understand now that he's trying to do the things they would ask their dad to if he was still alive. I should make clear that his siblings are adults (his younger sister is my age) with partners and children of their own. As far as I'm concerned he does not need to be the fill in for their father. Hell, as adults they shouldn't be relying on their father or their brother for much of anything but that's a different rant.  Anyway seeing P get "the call" made me realize how much I love the guy. Also how lucky I am to have two very healthy parents. I don't mean "healthy for their age" I mean these two are incredible. I have trouble keeping up. Anyway, whatever is going to happen with P's mom...I want to stick around and help him deal with it.

The second thing that happened was that H told us that she had fallen into depression again and needed help. H has fought depression on and off for most of her adult life. She didn't want to admit it but the past 4 or 5 months or so she's just been feeling worse and worse. In March everything work, home, people, no people, noise, silence, just everything has overwhelmed her. So she's been a complete bitch and can't seem to stop herself. In her words she "can't get a grip and everything seems impossible." Her doctor has been called and her "old faithful" anti-depressants are on the way. I feel that she should also engage in some talk therapy but she insists that it doesn't help her. Therapists don't tell her anything she doesn't know already at this point (in her defense she's been seeing them on and off for nearly 30 years.) While I'm not convinced that talk therapy wouldn't help at all, I don't think now is the best time to fight her. Once her meds are delivered (gotta love our health insurance, "maintenance" meds are only sent by mail) and in her system things should start looking up a little. I'll bring therapy up again when she's feeling a little less dark. Until then, at least I know why she's behaving the way she is and instead of letting it infuriate me I can breathe and remember that it's not really "her." 

I think this is another instance of the universe forcing me to learn something. I can't stand mental illness and never could. I have an aunt with schizophrenia and I watched her illness pretty much destroy my grandparents. She was physically and verbally abusive towards them and anyone else in her path. She stole from them, heard voices, refused to stay on her medication. They always made excuses for her, it wasn't her it was her illness, she was still their baby, etc., etc., etc.  NO. She was dangerous and a nuisance and I refused to have anything to do with her, ever. I guess the universe really wants me to learn how to deal with mental illness in others... or something. It seems whatever I push back on always ends up coming back to haunt me. 

Oh and after all of the above happened P "had it" with our current living room set so the three of us went out and bought a new one. I didn't think our old set was that bad really but I didn't know about all the repairs P had done behind the scenes. When the chair recliner stopped working he sorta snapped and the next thing I knew we were shopping. 

Anyway, that's the update. I'm still here and still hanging in the relationship.

Counting down the days until my Doula class!!   16