Somehow I Have Less Sex Now

As everyone who reads knows, I moved in with P&H at the end of June. It was - and still is - a big adjustment but overall a good one. I've learned  that I was right about a couple things like: 

I don't enjoy sleeping (actual sleeping, like for rest and rejuvenation) with people and pets in the bed with me. I sorta knew this from previous relationships. I’m not a cuddly person in general but especially when I’m tired and want to rest. In the beginning I ended up sleeping on the big comfy couch in the basement pretty frequently. Now I’d say I think about heading down there at least once a week but only actually sleep there once every couple weeks. Pets have been entirely banned from the bedroom during the night. Don’t worry, they are all given super yummy treats before the door is closed, and they have free rein over the couches and chairs and kids beds too.  I think they actually look forward to us going to bed now.

The kids were going to get to me. This one actually took longer to happen than I thought it would. I love their girls, don’t get me wrong. But they -like everyone else on the planet- have quirks and personality traits that I find terribly annoying. I’m a mom, I know kids are just small people with their own crap going on but that doesn’t make it less frustrating when older daughter “fangirls” and gets crazily emotional over TV shows (like these characters are real and she is actually involved in the situations., ITS PRETEND FOR FUCKS SAKE) Or when younger daughter is so stubborn, whiny and fake baby-ish I want to shake her.  I’m trying to be mindful about stepping back and saying “not my monkeys” more when it comes to them. As a mom I want to mother but for all our sakes I think its important for me to step back and NOT mother. They have perfectly good parents. Do they parent the way I would? Nope. Is that wrong? Nope, just mildly annoying and really only because I’m here all. the. time. now

I miss my son like crazy. I knew this was coming. I was ready for it and really its a natural time him to not be living with me. If he had chosen the college route he would be off at school doing god-knows-what. Instead he’s living with my parents, working part time, volunteering like crazy and generally enjoying his freedom. Which is exactly as it should be. I consider myself a lucky mom because he texts or calls every day and visits a few times a week. A lot of kids wouldn’t.  He’s grown into a great young man, I wish he had a little more drive to get into school or career training of some sort, but know what? He’s gainfully employed, 19 and he only graduated from High School 6 months ago. He deserves a year of bumming around before he throws himself back into school. At least he’s responsible enough to be working and paying his own way for the most part. I think of him as a baby still but really, he’s the same age I was when he was born. I had a baby and a job at his age and managed. He’ll be just fine. I just like to worry over him  :-)

Something I didn’t expect would happen after moving in: 

I have virtually no sex life. Seriously. I’m going to admit to some shallowness and say that part of why I moved in was to have more frequent sex. We’re a closed triad, so the only time I had sex was on weekends when I would visit. I assume that they had sex when I wasn’t around but for issues that are entirely my own I requested that they NOT tell me about those times. I don’t really know why but I’m far more comfortable NOT knowing. I mean I KNOW but I don’t know details. I’m fine with whatever, I just don’t want details. Enjoy, but if I’m not part of it, I don’t feel like I need to know about it. Make sense? I don’t listen to friends raunchy stories or read romances either. Anywhoo... I figured if I was here all the time... easy access, right? In theory, yes, but Life got in the way. P got a great new job, by great I mean really, really great, like  he would e crazy to turn it down GREAT. One little problem...it’s second shift 3:00pm to 11:30pm. H and I work 1st shift, 8:00am to 4:30pm. I think everyone can see where this is going. We never see each other anymore, except....yup.. on weekends. And weekends get filled up with all kinds of things to do very quickly around here. As of today I haven’t had sex in close to 3 weeks and it’s really starting to get to me.  At the same time I feel like it’s not a priority for either of them and honestly I’m sick of hinting and not getting a response. Part of me would like to say “Hey this is something that we need to talk about” but honestly, I can see where that conversation would go. Tired, busy, kids, errands, etc. Nothing I can really argue against without sounding like an unreasonable bitch. So the “Screw it I have fingers” side of me is winning out right now. It is what it is, right? Eventually the dry patch will either go away or we’ll have to discuss and maybe open up the triad or maybe I’ll just have a breakdown and leave. Or I’ll just get over it. Or something. 

I’m thinking of emailing my freakishly good psychic for a reading. I’m feeling generally stuck in my life lately between home life and work (which I still hate.) Not a feeling I’m enjoying at all and she’s always been able to give me some insights that I missed along the way in the past, I’m hoping she can again!

I’d close with a picture, but I’m currently post workout, pre shower and have dark circles under my eyes like you wouldn’t believe so I’ll spare you.

Night....

Catie