It Got Better
It really did, I guess I've settled into life here with H,P& the kids. It still feels weird to not live with Orion but he visits all the time and I go back "home" to pick up mail and say "Hi!" to my parents at least once a week. I miss Horace the cat, seeing Ri every day and sleeping alone but I knew that I would miss all those things from the start and still chose to move in here.
Most of it feels right. I think I just miss alone time. One thing that does have me confused and maybe even a little upset is the lack of sex. I'll admit it, a big part of why I thought moving in would be a good idea was the ready access. Turns out it doesn't work that way, we actually have less sex now. We've had sex maybe 3 times since I moved in. We've blown P a few additional times which is fun to do but ..I have to admit I find our sex life to be lackluster at best lately and it sucks. I like sex, kind of a lot and I think we should be having more of it. Sadly though, most of the time I feel like we're just roommates. If I wanted roommates I would have found some. At this point though...it is what it is. I flirt, I feel like I'm making it obvious that a romp would be fun but neither of them seems the slightest bit interested. In me anyway. P always has eyes for H, again something I knew beforehand and expected so can't complain about. Oh well, I guess?
It's 11:30 on a Saturday night and I've been sitting in bed, surfing the web and listening to them snore for well over an hour already. Gotta admit, this isn't what I was expecting. But if its not what I want...I'm free to go and choosing not to. At some level I must be okay with how things are. I know I'm loving being "alone" in bed right now even if it means I'm going to be tired tomorrow because these two are up much, much earlier than I would normally like to be. I'm a fairly light sleeper, when they leave bed, I wake up. They leave quietly, they are trying NOT to wake me. It just doesn't work. Even if I don't get out bed right away I don't get back to sleep. A light doze is the best I can hope for. They try to be quiet I can hear them moving around the house, showering, making breakfast, etc. I try to go back to sleep but I'm awake at that point. After a few minutes I give up on sleep so why stay in bed?
Bright spots: The company is excellent, if constant. I get to cook a lot more. I feel like a more productive member of society. So that's something.
I still hate work, more and more each day if I'm being honest. It shows in the quality of my work too. I have a shiny new resume, I need to put it to work. This past week I wondered if I should start looking at employment agencies because I'm not sure where I should start applying. Then I remember that I'm only a couple years away from a full pension, if I can just stick it out for a couple more years, retirement will be much, much easier in the long run. Finding a job around here isn't easy, I know that, I'm very, very lucky to have the job security that I do have. I'm thankful for it, I really am but my feet are itchy and I'm craving change.
Most of it feels right. I think I just miss alone time. One thing that does have me confused and maybe even a little upset is the lack of sex. I'll admit it, a big part of why I thought moving in would be a good idea was the ready access. Turns out it doesn't work that way, we actually have less sex now. We've had sex maybe 3 times since I moved in. We've blown P a few additional times which is fun to do but ..I have to admit I find our sex life to be lackluster at best lately and it sucks. I like sex, kind of a lot and I think we should be having more of it. Sadly though, most of the time I feel like we're just roommates. If I wanted roommates I would have found some. At this point though...it is what it is. I flirt, I feel like I'm making it obvious that a romp would be fun but neither of them seems the slightest bit interested. In me anyway. P always has eyes for H, again something I knew beforehand and expected so can't complain about. Oh well, I guess?
It's 11:30 on a Saturday night and I've been sitting in bed, surfing the web and listening to them snore for well over an hour already. Gotta admit, this isn't what I was expecting. But if its not what I want...I'm free to go and choosing not to. At some level I must be okay with how things are. I know I'm loving being "alone" in bed right now even if it means I'm going to be tired tomorrow because these two are up much, much earlier than I would normally like to be. I'm a fairly light sleeper, when they leave bed, I wake up. They leave quietly, they are trying NOT to wake me. It just doesn't work. Even if I don't get out bed right away I don't get back to sleep. A light doze is the best I can hope for. They try to be quiet I can hear them moving around the house, showering, making breakfast, etc. I try to go back to sleep but I'm awake at that point. After a few minutes I give up on sleep so why stay in bed?
Bright spots: The company is excellent, if constant. I get to cook a lot more. I feel like a more productive member of society. So that's something.
I still hate work, more and more each day if I'm being honest. It shows in the quality of my work too. I have a shiny new resume, I need to put it to work. This past week I wondered if I should start looking at employment agencies because I'm not sure where I should start applying. Then I remember that I'm only a couple years away from a full pension, if I can just stick it out for a couple more years, retirement will be much, much easier in the long run. Finding a job around here isn't easy, I know that, I'm very, very lucky to have the job security that I do have. I'm thankful for it, I really am but my feet are itchy and I'm craving change.
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